Drinking from the Milk Jug
As I chugged down milk straight from the jug, my husband rounded the corner. With his eyes as big as the cookies I just inhaled, he said, "Omg I love you. I corrupt you a little more everyday," as he raised his hand for a high-five.
As I stood there, I couldn't decide if I was mortified or proud of myself. Why was I partially mortified? Because deep down my husband knows I'm not perfect, but he likes to make me think I am. Why was I partially proud? Because the fact that I was drinking from the milk jug made me perfect in his eyes.
Last Sunday, at my church, we had a girls Bible study, and the boys Bible study group, actually had questions to ask us. (Stay tuned for a blog over the different questions and answers we gave.) Some of the questions really got me thinking about all the peer pressures that us girls go through. Actually, the exact question was "what pressures are girls under?" To this I answered, it all depends on the stage of life you are in. But no matter what stage of life you are in, we experience an extreme pressure to be.. Are you ready for it...Perfect. Now there are different forms of "perfect." . But we feel we have to live up to some standard. We are almost constantly in a competition with other girls. Who do we really dress up for? Who do we fix our hair for and put on makeup for? Why do we post that status or that picture? Is it for ourselves or to prove to others we meet the billions and billions of standards that are put upon us daily.
You can guarantee that if I'm coming over, I'm probably going to bring you some cookies, I clean my house every morning before school, on my free days I bake, I'm a missionary, I exercise 4 days a week, I keep a calendar in my kitchen, and I'm an ultimate planner. Don't get me wrong, I really do love cooking, I love coming home to a clean house, I graduated early, I got married young, , and I have always been a planner. A combination of my upbringing, my type A personality, the circumstances of my life and the pressure of being "perfect," have made me who I am. But I still don't feel perfect. And that's because I am not. I never will be. I strive to be the best I can, everyday. No matter what stage of life we are in, expectations steal our happiness and make us think we have to be something we aren't meant to be. Its so exhausting. I'm tired of trying to be perfect.
Trying to live up to expectations every single day, wear us down. Its exhausting, and yet we still jump through hoops to meet them. I found myself in a place of exhaustion and I realized I needed a "me day." I spend every day, working for others. Trying to look perfect, be perfect and do good constantly, I was just going through the motions. Let me get this across loud and clear, I am not perfect. The only perfect thing about me is the one who created me. I'm a sinner, I fall short, I could always do better. The wonderful thing about Christ is.. We don't have to be. We don't have to earn God's love. We don't have to be perfect. We live because of His love, not for His love.
High School: Whenever I was in high school, the pressures I faced were #1-having a boyfriend, #2-sex, #3-alcohol. The only way this has changed today, is that there are even more pressures in high school. But overall, we face the same things during this time. If you didn't meet the expectation of having a boyfriend, people wondered "whats wrong with her?" or assumed that you were not happy, a loner or a loser, along with many other outrageous accusations. On a daily basis, you were asked a million questions including, "hows your love life?", "are you talking to anyone?', or "how long have you been together." The pressure of having a boyfriend was what life seemed to revolve around. Like we weren't complete and definitely not happy, being single. But having a boyfriend isn't all that great. In high school, most of the time, all a boyfriend did was cause d.r. double a. m. a. DRAMA. But that is what our peers, feed off of in high school. The only man that matters is Jesus. If they wanna talk about you, let em. And then.. Prove em wrong. Moving on.. Sex. The pressure of having sex is a life long battle. Girls are constantly dealing with making the decision to have sex or wait until marriage. Some girls give in, and then that is where the pressure comes in. They know they made a mistake, they love to see other girls fail, and be equivalent or "less" than them, so they convince them to give in as well. In some sick twisted way, it eases their mind knowing you made the same mistake as them. Thank goodness we have a forgiving God. Girls think that guys will leave them if they don't-if he does leave you because of that, LET HIM GO. And I know its not easy to just say no like high school counselors, speakers and flyers tell you to do. But think of it this way, say yes to having no regrets, say yes to proving others wrong, say yes to being unique, say yes to God and to your husband; the ONE God has made for you. If you are a die hard Bachelor and Bachelorette fan like me, you've watched this season and seen the two ladies who are virgins. So many people are jealous of that! Why would you want to be like everyone else? Make society jealous of you, because you are a virgin. #3- Alcohol. As a school teacher, I am appalled at the number of students who like to party.. And we are talking 9th grade people. 9TH GRADE. I know all of these pressures come earlier and earlier every year. For some reason, people still have the vision that this makes you cool. What? I thought we had gotten past that. What do you get from drinking?-hangovers, lost nights, mistakes (things you say, things you do, sex, car accidents, do you want me to continue?) And high school kids think this is "cool" because people in college do it. Yes, showing up to class half way drunk is sooooo classy. (I really hope you are sensing my sarcasm) I didn't drink in high school and by resisting it then, it made it easier to resist in college. When I told people I didn't drink, they would look at me, first shocked, but then I would always get a positive reply like "that is awesome. I wish I didn't!" Or something along those lines. But while those are the 3 main pressures in high school, I felt many others, I felt pressured to be perfect. And when I say perfect, I mean good grades, homecoming queen, boyfriend, what college are you going to, whats your ACT score, and on and on and on. Some of this comes with my type A personality and first born syndrome, but the struggle is real. No matter what your pressure is, don't follow society. Follow what makes you, you and what you know is right in your heart.
College: The age of materialism. What brand of clothing is that? What are you wearing tonight? How long is your hair? Are you going to the mixer tonight? What sorority are you in? Did you sleep with him? You're supposed to meet the love of your life in college, have you found him yet? Whats your GPA? Now don't get me wrong, I loved college! But there's also a reason I graduated in 3 years....... Once again the pressure to be perfect is beating down on the shoulders of girls in college. College is a beautiful time where you find your self, maybe fall in love and make lasting friendships! If only we could cut all of the negative during college and focus on the amazing things it has to offer! Like Bible study groups, chances to travel the world, find out what you really want to do in life and not what is expected that you do. When I was in college, I was in a sorority, and it was the best part of my college experience. Alpha Sigma Alpha gave me so many friendships that I will forever cherish. I'm not one to really come out of my shell, but those girls really accepted me for who I was and I love them all so dearly. But I think a lot of times, girls go to college and they want to be the stereotype of a sorority girl. And that can be a good thing or a bad thing. I think that being in a sorority can sometimes be a pressure in college. If you find the right sorority go for it. But if you don't, don't join one just to have the stereotype put with your name. Also in college, I felt the need to look my best at all times. I mean constantly. With so many other girls around, I felt like I had to be prettier, dressed nicer, be perfectly groomed, and so on every single day.... And yes, I failed all of the time. You may be reading this and think badly of me, but this is just what I felt. I have always felt like I had to be perfect in every single way. I needed to be tan, my hair needed to be longer (I even took pills to make it grown), I needed to wear high end clothing. I needed Ray Bans, Polo and Michael Kors. I need to have a 4.0 GPA, I needed to be a part of a honor society, I needed to have the perfect relationship, I needed to have the perfect body, I needed to win Miss HSU... The pressure never ended for me in college. I was constantly at the gym, tanning, studying, working or at meetings to be this "perfect person" when I would've rather been eating McDonalds, napping and watching TV. I literally spent at least 2 hours in the gym every single day for 3 months before Miss HSU, (Did I win? No, the beautiful, inside and out, Brittney Humphrey did! She is amazing and fully deserved it.) Over the years, however, I have actually come to love being healthy. I'm at a healthy weight, but I don't tan because now I do it for me. I know I need exercise, but tanning is only going to hurt me. I wear Walmart make-up, and my favorite store is Old Navy. Sue me. While I still feel the need to be "perfect," I have found a way to do what is best for me and my means of living. Even with a degree and an awesome job, I can't afford Michael Kors (I've had 1 for 2 years, its wore out and I'm not buying another one anytime soon), polo or ray bans or anything like that. But along with those pressures, I felt, and still feel, the need to have the "perfect social media relationship." That's what I call it anyway. I'm going to be honest, my husband and I went through some of our hardest times during college. We weren't together the whole time and we have some pretty funny, yet dramatic stories-that's a whole different blog. It wasn't perfect and our marriage still isn't. I'm as guilty as anyone to try and portray my relationship with Cory, as being perfect, when it clearly was not. I think we are all guilty of this because we don't want anyone to know that our relationship isn't okay-well, some of us. Some of us put it ALL out there. I'm not saying you shouldn't brag on your man every once in a while, but do it out of pure appreciation and love(they like to feel loved and needed), not to be spiteful and to really be saying "Hey look at what I have! Aren't you jealous?" A lot of college girls have the pressure of finding their husband during college. And its simple-from the mouth of Mikayla Feemster- everyone finds their person at different times. Don't you agree? Then once you do find someone, its "When are you getting married?" The pressure never ends. Just prepare yourself. In the end, its God's timing, not ours. Kind of like it was God's timing that I graduate in 3 years, while I thought it was a pressure, a necessity to be better, I worked hard to graduate in 3 years, but once again, in my mind I fell short because I graduated with a 3.4, not a 4.0. But thanks to Him, it all worked out perfectly! Who really needs a 4.0... Along with all of these pressures, lets not forget actually having to grow up! Paying bills, working, figuring your life out.. I was too stressed to actually figure out my life half of the time. If we actually let college kids do what they want to do, instead of telling them they need to do like: be a doctor or a lawyer or some career that is going to make you rich, there would be such a load off. Just let us do what makes us happy; news flash parents and grand parents.. You cant live through us. If that's what you want.. Go back to college. We understand you want the best for us. But if that's the case, just let us be. And then there's the partying, who could forget that. If you don't go out, you're lame. If you're always out, you're a drunk, or maybe even promiscuous. Like what do you want from me people? The pressures are sometimes contrasting and confusing. That's why you can't let someone else define your standards. If you don't think going out is right, DON'T DO IT. You have no excuses. Don't justify going out and getting plastered. Deep down you know the right decision. But once again, we all mess up. Thank goodness we have a forgiving God. We aren't perfect. There are so many pressures that I am probably forgetting, forgive me, I've been out for a whole year now!
Married Life: When are you having kids? How is married life? When are you moving home? Buying or building? When is your husband coming back? How clean is your classroom? How clean is your home? What are you making for dinner? Can you bake? Have you gained the marriage weight? You let your dogs do what?! Stop spending your money on that! Are your bills paid? I honestly think that married life has put me under the most pressure to be perfect. I moved to Bryant in July of 2014, started working that August, got engaged in August and then got married in October. In the beginning of this time, my biggest pressure was to be an amazing teacher-that's also a whole other blog. But then I was engaged... So the pressure on top of being super teacher, was having an out of this world wedding. Now I admit I kind of brought it on myself to get married in two months, which only added more pressure, but I just wanted to get married. There had been so much pressure but on both of us. I didn't get married because of the pressure, I got married because I felt I had waited long enough! Haha. But so many do feel pressured to get married and end up marrying the wrong person. Cory is the only person who doesn't constantly put pressure on me and I love him for that. As little girls we all dream of our big day, look at countless pictures, plan and plan and plan, just to make sure the day is.. Perfect. I honestly knew nothing that went wrong at my wedding, because I was solely focused on marrying Cory. I had stressed for 2 months to make sure it was exactly what I wanted and I couldn't stress out anymore. While some may not have seen my wedding as perfect, I did. It was the best day of my life, because I pushed other peoples opinions out of my mind; if only I could do that with everything. As soon as we said I do, it felt like a swarm of people asking when we are having kids.. Omg. Love, marriage, babies. Right? A couple of years ago, I wanted to have kids ASAP (after marriage lololol) because I didn't want to be an old mom. I'm 22 now and we are waiting until I'm at least 24 to have kids, God willing. But I got so tired of people asking me that! Like it's our business. I really just want to enjoy my husband and the life together God has given us. Plus with Cory being gone 20 days every month, there's no way we could right now, unless God wants us to, then He will make it happen. Now my decision, is not every one's decision and obviously that's perfectly fine! We are all at different times in our life and want different things. I want a BIG family; 3 of my own and adopting one. But just not right now. I can't even imagine the pressures of being a good parent. Once I have kids, I'll get back with you on that.. The second most common question, "how is married life?" And here we go... Being married to my best friend is the most awesome. most amazing, hardest, most rewarding, toughest, emotional experience I have ever been through. Marriage is hard. In the first 4 months of marriage, we have faced 1 death, multiple hospitalizations, family issues, arguments, financial adjustments and many other struggles. But we have also gone through awesome life changing decisions, starting a life together, he's tried my experiments in the kitchen, more laughs than ever before, learning how to live together, learning how to laugh instead of scream lol, and just enjoy each other! Marriage isn't perfect and it never will be for anyone. But he is my person, and at the end of the day, I know I have him. We have to work at it some days, but we love each other and we try daily to put Jesus in the center of our marriage. But like I said, so many times we fail, because we are not perfect. So many times, we brag and brag and brag, about our marriage. But I respect those who are honest and say, ya know what.. Its hard, but we love each other and I've never been happier he is my husband. But as a wife I feel also like I should always have something in the oven and my home should not only be trendy, but should smell like roses and bleach 24/7. But lets be honest.. When I come home, IM TIRED. The last thing I want to do is cook a meal and clean my house. But being the type A personality that I am and still feeling the pressure to be perfect, I clean my house, bake something and then make sure to post it on instagram or facebook. That's the only way anyone will know how awesome my life is, right? Hahahhahahahaha. Yes, I'm guilty. And yes, I hate to admit it. And yes, I hate what society and the pressures of life compels me to do sometimes. Not to mention every single woman in mine and Cory's life are beyond amazing cooks.. What am I supposed to do? Just not cook? I think Cory might kill me. But we both love food and thankfully, when I'm bored I do like to cook. Its not bad to like to cook, but we need to realize when we are doing it because we love it and when we are doing it for recognition or to once again, seem "perfect." Now, lets talk housing. When Cory and I got married there were about 4-5 other couples who got married around the same time as we did. I see so many of them who already have houses. Now this isn't a pressure I feel too bad, because we really cant settle down yet, because of our jobs and where we eventually want to be. But its something that comes along with marriage. After you get married, your supposed to eventually, and by eventually, I mean pretty soon, have a house right? Ha. That only for some! Not every new married couple can afford a new home, or like Cory and I, its just not the right timing. When it comes to marriage weight... I was so stressed out about it, I work out 4 times a week at the gym and I've actually lost 6 pounds. Not because I needed to but because I felt I needed to. Married life and everything that comes with it can be so hard. The expectations of generations before us, haunt us, or me, every day. Just let me love my husband, have sucky cooking sometimes, forget an appointment and my house might be clean, but I'm going to do it because I want to.
Christian Life: Last but not least, being a perfect Christian. Did you read your Bible today? Did you pray? What have you done for others today? When and wheres you're next mission trip? Lets face it. There's no way to be a perfect Christian. Why? Because we are sinners. If you think you're not a sinner, think again. I try every day to do all of these things. I try to tell others about Jesus, and let others know I'm not scared to tell you about Him and that I belong to Him. I try to be a good missionary. However, sometimes our lives become a check list. When we get too caught up in doing, and not feeling, this is where are Christian life becomes stale. We wear ourselves out just trying to be good enough for God, to look good enough for society. But for society, you're never good enough. For God, you're always good enough. When we get busy. tired or wore out we tend to separate ourselves from God. So let go of what you're depending on and come to Him. Stress and tiredness comes from not letting Him be in control. Yes, prayer keeps you close to God. Yes, reading The Word makes you wiser and closer to Christ. But if you're just going through the motions, you aren't helping yourself. Just spend time with Him-you don't always have to be doing good- no matter what you are doing, Jesus still wants you. No matter how long its been since you prayed or spent time with Him- He still wants you- that's grace. You won't find rest in an achievement, relationship or stage of life. Stop keeping a checklist and just live. Live for Christ because He loves you, not to gain His love or the love of other people. You already have the love of the only one that matters. Just come to Jesus and give up being perfect. Don't keep going and going just to please others. Live for Christ. You don't always have to post every Bible verse you read. Sometimes its just for you. Come to Jesus. You don't have to be perfect to come to Him. He loves you as you are.
I want to be the best wife to him! And a wonderful mom to our children. And an awesome teacher. And a good cook. And a good missionary. And look like I have it all together. But I don't. There's too much to try and keep up with. We just can't do it all on our own. Jesus is the only way to keep us sane. He loves us no matter our capabilities. He doesn't care about this worlds' standards. We should be striving to live by His standards. We should live by His standards without craving recognition.
You don't need anyone to tell you, you are perfect. Because they're lying. Set your own standards.
Last Sunday, at my church, we had a girls Bible study, and the boys Bible study group, actually had questions to ask us. (Stay tuned for a blog over the different questions and answers we gave.) Some of the questions really got me thinking about all the peer pressures that us girls go through. Actually, the exact question was "what pressures are girls under?" To this I answered, it all depends on the stage of life you are in. But no matter what stage of life you are in, we experience an extreme pressure to be.. Are you ready for it...Perfect. Now there are different forms of "perfect." . But we feel we have to live up to some standard. We are almost constantly in a competition with other girls. Who do we really dress up for? Who do we fix our hair for and put on makeup for? Why do we post that status or that picture? Is it for ourselves or to prove to others we meet the billions and billions of standards that are put upon us daily.
You can guarantee that if I'm coming over, I'm probably going to bring you some cookies, I clean my house every morning before school, on my free days I bake, I'm a missionary, I exercise 4 days a week, I keep a calendar in my kitchen, and I'm an ultimate planner. Don't get me wrong, I really do love cooking, I love coming home to a clean house, I graduated early, I got married young, , and I have always been a planner. A combination of my upbringing, my type A personality, the circumstances of my life and the pressure of being "perfect," have made me who I am. But I still don't feel perfect. And that's because I am not. I never will be. I strive to be the best I can, everyday. No matter what stage of life we are in, expectations steal our happiness and make us think we have to be something we aren't meant to be. Its so exhausting. I'm tired of trying to be perfect.
Trying to live up to expectations every single day, wear us down. Its exhausting, and yet we still jump through hoops to meet them. I found myself in a place of exhaustion and I realized I needed a "me day." I spend every day, working for others. Trying to look perfect, be perfect and do good constantly, I was just going through the motions. Let me get this across loud and clear, I am not perfect. The only perfect thing about me is the one who created me. I'm a sinner, I fall short, I could always do better. The wonderful thing about Christ is.. We don't have to be. We don't have to earn God's love. We don't have to be perfect. We live because of His love, not for His love.
High School: Whenever I was in high school, the pressures I faced were #1-having a boyfriend, #2-sex, #3-alcohol. The only way this has changed today, is that there are even more pressures in high school. But overall, we face the same things during this time. If you didn't meet the expectation of having a boyfriend, people wondered "whats wrong with her?" or assumed that you were not happy, a loner or a loser, along with many other outrageous accusations. On a daily basis, you were asked a million questions including, "hows your love life?", "are you talking to anyone?', or "how long have you been together." The pressure of having a boyfriend was what life seemed to revolve around. Like we weren't complete and definitely not happy, being single. But having a boyfriend isn't all that great. In high school, most of the time, all a boyfriend did was cause d.r. double a. m. a. DRAMA. But that is what our peers, feed off of in high school. The only man that matters is Jesus. If they wanna talk about you, let em. And then.. Prove em wrong. Moving on.. Sex. The pressure of having sex is a life long battle. Girls are constantly dealing with making the decision to have sex or wait until marriage. Some girls give in, and then that is where the pressure comes in. They know they made a mistake, they love to see other girls fail, and be equivalent or "less" than them, so they convince them to give in as well. In some sick twisted way, it eases their mind knowing you made the same mistake as them. Thank goodness we have a forgiving God. Girls think that guys will leave them if they don't-if he does leave you because of that, LET HIM GO. And I know its not easy to just say no like high school counselors, speakers and flyers tell you to do. But think of it this way, say yes to having no regrets, say yes to proving others wrong, say yes to being unique, say yes to God and to your husband; the ONE God has made for you. If you are a die hard Bachelor and Bachelorette fan like me, you've watched this season and seen the two ladies who are virgins. So many people are jealous of that! Why would you want to be like everyone else? Make society jealous of you, because you are a virgin. #3- Alcohol. As a school teacher, I am appalled at the number of students who like to party.. And we are talking 9th grade people. 9TH GRADE. I know all of these pressures come earlier and earlier every year. For some reason, people still have the vision that this makes you cool. What? I thought we had gotten past that. What do you get from drinking?-hangovers, lost nights, mistakes (things you say, things you do, sex, car accidents, do you want me to continue?) And high school kids think this is "cool" because people in college do it. Yes, showing up to class half way drunk is sooooo classy. (I really hope you are sensing my sarcasm) I didn't drink in high school and by resisting it then, it made it easier to resist in college. When I told people I didn't drink, they would look at me, first shocked, but then I would always get a positive reply like "that is awesome. I wish I didn't!" Or something along those lines. But while those are the 3 main pressures in high school, I felt many others, I felt pressured to be perfect. And when I say perfect, I mean good grades, homecoming queen, boyfriend, what college are you going to, whats your ACT score, and on and on and on. Some of this comes with my type A personality and first born syndrome, but the struggle is real. No matter what your pressure is, don't follow society. Follow what makes you, you and what you know is right in your heart.
College: The age of materialism. What brand of clothing is that? What are you wearing tonight? How long is your hair? Are you going to the mixer tonight? What sorority are you in? Did you sleep with him? You're supposed to meet the love of your life in college, have you found him yet? Whats your GPA? Now don't get me wrong, I loved college! But there's also a reason I graduated in 3 years....... Once again the pressure to be perfect is beating down on the shoulders of girls in college. College is a beautiful time where you find your self, maybe fall in love and make lasting friendships! If only we could cut all of the negative during college and focus on the amazing things it has to offer! Like Bible study groups, chances to travel the world, find out what you really want to do in life and not what is expected that you do. When I was in college, I was in a sorority, and it was the best part of my college experience. Alpha Sigma Alpha gave me so many friendships that I will forever cherish. I'm not one to really come out of my shell, but those girls really accepted me for who I was and I love them all so dearly. But I think a lot of times, girls go to college and they want to be the stereotype of a sorority girl. And that can be a good thing or a bad thing. I think that being in a sorority can sometimes be a pressure in college. If you find the right sorority go for it. But if you don't, don't join one just to have the stereotype put with your name. Also in college, I felt the need to look my best at all times. I mean constantly. With so many other girls around, I felt like I had to be prettier, dressed nicer, be perfectly groomed, and so on every single day.... And yes, I failed all of the time. You may be reading this and think badly of me, but this is just what I felt. I have always felt like I had to be perfect in every single way. I needed to be tan, my hair needed to be longer (I even took pills to make it grown), I needed to wear high end clothing. I needed Ray Bans, Polo and Michael Kors. I need to have a 4.0 GPA, I needed to be a part of a honor society, I needed to have the perfect relationship, I needed to have the perfect body, I needed to win Miss HSU... The pressure never ended for me in college. I was constantly at the gym, tanning, studying, working or at meetings to be this "perfect person" when I would've rather been eating McDonalds, napping and watching TV. I literally spent at least 2 hours in the gym every single day for 3 months before Miss HSU, (Did I win? No, the beautiful, inside and out, Brittney Humphrey did! She is amazing and fully deserved it.) Over the years, however, I have actually come to love being healthy. I'm at a healthy weight, but I don't tan because now I do it for me. I know I need exercise, but tanning is only going to hurt me. I wear Walmart make-up, and my favorite store is Old Navy. Sue me. While I still feel the need to be "perfect," I have found a way to do what is best for me and my means of living. Even with a degree and an awesome job, I can't afford Michael Kors (I've had 1 for 2 years, its wore out and I'm not buying another one anytime soon), polo or ray bans or anything like that. But along with those pressures, I felt, and still feel, the need to have the "perfect social media relationship." That's what I call it anyway. I'm going to be honest, my husband and I went through some of our hardest times during college. We weren't together the whole time and we have some pretty funny, yet dramatic stories-that's a whole different blog. It wasn't perfect and our marriage still isn't. I'm as guilty as anyone to try and portray my relationship with Cory, as being perfect, when it clearly was not. I think we are all guilty of this because we don't want anyone to know that our relationship isn't okay-well, some of us. Some of us put it ALL out there. I'm not saying you shouldn't brag on your man every once in a while, but do it out of pure appreciation and love(they like to feel loved and needed), not to be spiteful and to really be saying "Hey look at what I have! Aren't you jealous?" A lot of college girls have the pressure of finding their husband during college. And its simple-from the mouth of Mikayla Feemster- everyone finds their person at different times. Don't you agree? Then once you do find someone, its "When are you getting married?" The pressure never ends. Just prepare yourself. In the end, its God's timing, not ours. Kind of like it was God's timing that I graduate in 3 years, while I thought it was a pressure, a necessity to be better, I worked hard to graduate in 3 years, but once again, in my mind I fell short because I graduated with a 3.4, not a 4.0. But thanks to Him, it all worked out perfectly! Who really needs a 4.0... Along with all of these pressures, lets not forget actually having to grow up! Paying bills, working, figuring your life out.. I was too stressed to actually figure out my life half of the time. If we actually let college kids do what they want to do, instead of telling them they need to do like: be a doctor or a lawyer or some career that is going to make you rich, there would be such a load off. Just let us do what makes us happy; news flash parents and grand parents.. You cant live through us. If that's what you want.. Go back to college. We understand you want the best for us. But if that's the case, just let us be. And then there's the partying, who could forget that. If you don't go out, you're lame. If you're always out, you're a drunk, or maybe even promiscuous. Like what do you want from me people? The pressures are sometimes contrasting and confusing. That's why you can't let someone else define your standards. If you don't think going out is right, DON'T DO IT. You have no excuses. Don't justify going out and getting plastered. Deep down you know the right decision. But once again, we all mess up. Thank goodness we have a forgiving God. We aren't perfect. There are so many pressures that I am probably forgetting, forgive me, I've been out for a whole year now!
Married Life: When are you having kids? How is married life? When are you moving home? Buying or building? When is your husband coming back? How clean is your classroom? How clean is your home? What are you making for dinner? Can you bake? Have you gained the marriage weight? You let your dogs do what?! Stop spending your money on that! Are your bills paid? I honestly think that married life has put me under the most pressure to be perfect. I moved to Bryant in July of 2014, started working that August, got engaged in August and then got married in October. In the beginning of this time, my biggest pressure was to be an amazing teacher-that's also a whole other blog. But then I was engaged... So the pressure on top of being super teacher, was having an out of this world wedding. Now I admit I kind of brought it on myself to get married in two months, which only added more pressure, but I just wanted to get married. There had been so much pressure but on both of us. I didn't get married because of the pressure, I got married because I felt I had waited long enough! Haha. But so many do feel pressured to get married and end up marrying the wrong person. Cory is the only person who doesn't constantly put pressure on me and I love him for that. As little girls we all dream of our big day, look at countless pictures, plan and plan and plan, just to make sure the day is.. Perfect. I honestly knew nothing that went wrong at my wedding, because I was solely focused on marrying Cory. I had stressed for 2 months to make sure it was exactly what I wanted and I couldn't stress out anymore. While some may not have seen my wedding as perfect, I did. It was the best day of my life, because I pushed other peoples opinions out of my mind; if only I could do that with everything. As soon as we said I do, it felt like a swarm of people asking when we are having kids.. Omg. Love, marriage, babies. Right? A couple of years ago, I wanted to have kids ASAP (after marriage lololol) because I didn't want to be an old mom. I'm 22 now and we are waiting until I'm at least 24 to have kids, God willing. But I got so tired of people asking me that! Like it's our business. I really just want to enjoy my husband and the life together God has given us. Plus with Cory being gone 20 days every month, there's no way we could right now, unless God wants us to, then He will make it happen. Now my decision, is not every one's decision and obviously that's perfectly fine! We are all at different times in our life and want different things. I want a BIG family; 3 of my own and adopting one. But just not right now. I can't even imagine the pressures of being a good parent. Once I have kids, I'll get back with you on that.. The second most common question, "how is married life?" And here we go... Being married to my best friend is the most awesome. most amazing, hardest, most rewarding, toughest, emotional experience I have ever been through. Marriage is hard. In the first 4 months of marriage, we have faced 1 death, multiple hospitalizations, family issues, arguments, financial adjustments and many other struggles. But we have also gone through awesome life changing decisions, starting a life together, he's tried my experiments in the kitchen, more laughs than ever before, learning how to live together, learning how to laugh instead of scream lol, and just enjoy each other! Marriage isn't perfect and it never will be for anyone. But he is my person, and at the end of the day, I know I have him. We have to work at it some days, but we love each other and we try daily to put Jesus in the center of our marriage. But like I said, so many times we fail, because we are not perfect. So many times, we brag and brag and brag, about our marriage. But I respect those who are honest and say, ya know what.. Its hard, but we love each other and I've never been happier he is my husband. But as a wife I feel also like I should always have something in the oven and my home should not only be trendy, but should smell like roses and bleach 24/7. But lets be honest.. When I come home, IM TIRED. The last thing I want to do is cook a meal and clean my house. But being the type A personality that I am and still feeling the pressure to be perfect, I clean my house, bake something and then make sure to post it on instagram or facebook. That's the only way anyone will know how awesome my life is, right? Hahahhahahahaha. Yes, I'm guilty. And yes, I hate to admit it. And yes, I hate what society and the pressures of life compels me to do sometimes. Not to mention every single woman in mine and Cory's life are beyond amazing cooks.. What am I supposed to do? Just not cook? I think Cory might kill me. But we both love food and thankfully, when I'm bored I do like to cook. Its not bad to like to cook, but we need to realize when we are doing it because we love it and when we are doing it for recognition or to once again, seem "perfect." Now, lets talk housing. When Cory and I got married there were about 4-5 other couples who got married around the same time as we did. I see so many of them who already have houses. Now this isn't a pressure I feel too bad, because we really cant settle down yet, because of our jobs and where we eventually want to be. But its something that comes along with marriage. After you get married, your supposed to eventually, and by eventually, I mean pretty soon, have a house right? Ha. That only for some! Not every new married couple can afford a new home, or like Cory and I, its just not the right timing. When it comes to marriage weight... I was so stressed out about it, I work out 4 times a week at the gym and I've actually lost 6 pounds. Not because I needed to but because I felt I needed to. Married life and everything that comes with it can be so hard. The expectations of generations before us, haunt us, or me, every day. Just let me love my husband, have sucky cooking sometimes, forget an appointment and my house might be clean, but I'm going to do it because I want to.
Christian Life: Last but not least, being a perfect Christian. Did you read your Bible today? Did you pray? What have you done for others today? When and wheres you're next mission trip? Lets face it. There's no way to be a perfect Christian. Why? Because we are sinners. If you think you're not a sinner, think again. I try every day to do all of these things. I try to tell others about Jesus, and let others know I'm not scared to tell you about Him and that I belong to Him. I try to be a good missionary. However, sometimes our lives become a check list. When we get too caught up in doing, and not feeling, this is where are Christian life becomes stale. We wear ourselves out just trying to be good enough for God, to look good enough for society. But for society, you're never good enough. For God, you're always good enough. When we get busy. tired or wore out we tend to separate ourselves from God. So let go of what you're depending on and come to Him. Stress and tiredness comes from not letting Him be in control. Yes, prayer keeps you close to God. Yes, reading The Word makes you wiser and closer to Christ. But if you're just going through the motions, you aren't helping yourself. Just spend time with Him-you don't always have to be doing good- no matter what you are doing, Jesus still wants you. No matter how long its been since you prayed or spent time with Him- He still wants you- that's grace. You won't find rest in an achievement, relationship or stage of life. Stop keeping a checklist and just live. Live for Christ because He loves you, not to gain His love or the love of other people. You already have the love of the only one that matters. Just come to Jesus and give up being perfect. Don't keep going and going just to please others. Live for Christ. You don't always have to post every Bible verse you read. Sometimes its just for you. Come to Jesus. You don't have to be perfect to come to Him. He loves you as you are.
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.-Matthew 11:28.
I want to be the best wife to him! And a wonderful mom to our children. And an awesome teacher. And a good cook. And a good missionary. And look like I have it all together. But I don't. There's too much to try and keep up with. We just can't do it all on our own. Jesus is the only way to keep us sane. He loves us no matter our capabilities. He doesn't care about this worlds' standards. We should be striving to live by His standards. We should live by His standards without craving recognition.
You don't need anyone to tell you, you are perfect. Because they're lying. Set your own standards.
The only perfect thing about you is the one who created you.
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